At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
