Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
