Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize