thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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