Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
