I bet he comes in French.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
