we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
