Dual....:-)
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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