I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
