Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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