i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize