Dude my mom stole all your condoms
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
