The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It's just like the Real World with babies
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
