So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
