hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
