Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
