It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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