Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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