I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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