does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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