Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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