who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
