sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize