Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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