i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Mom said you looked used
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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