JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
