he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize