Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
