I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
