the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
