a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
