pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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