the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
