I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
