I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
