I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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