At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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