something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
