Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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