alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
