i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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