I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
