Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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