just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
