My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
