Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
