im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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