All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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