I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
