I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
