I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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