she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize