You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
