You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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