I can text with my tongue
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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