i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
