There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
