Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
