Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
