R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
