i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
