I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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