he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Randomize
