You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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