i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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