And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
