Im at strip club and am horny
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
be right there i have to get my cape
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
