Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
