Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sext me about skeletons
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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