everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
