I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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