I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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