Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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