I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
