Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
