it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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