Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize