remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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