well I can't set my house on fire every night
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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