now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
