Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
you never un-have a 4some
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
