She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She's the barista slut.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize