Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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