Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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