You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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