Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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