It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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