Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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