im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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