My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I want you more than these girls want KFC
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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