she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
