last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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