I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
