i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
