I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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