Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize