Having a random hookup so left but love u
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
