I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
