Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
