He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
