Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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