Kareoke will never be a sober sport
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
